By the time you’re finished reading this post $1,845,000 will have been spent on porn, 16,971,000 people will have viewed porn and 223, 200 people will have searched for adult terms. We can therefore conclude that the internet is for porn. Everybody is watching it. Me. You. Your friend. Maybe even your dad too.
Do you remember when you had an important task to complete, but you got distracted by a down-blouse in a YouTube thumbnail? It triggered you to pull out your pole and feel around the tip a little bit. You swore an oath on your life to polish it really quick before getting onto that important task. However after scanning through a handful of videos and opening up fifteen tabs, you finish up 30 minutes later only to realise that your vision is blurry, your mind is numb, you’re feeling tired and somehwat unmotivated to do that important task. Do you remember this?
“It seems so obvious: if we invent a machine, the first thing we are going to do–after making a profit–is use it to watch porn.” – Damon Brown, Author of Playboy’s Greatest Covers
42.7% of internet users view porn. And 70% of men aged 18-24 visit porn sites in a typical month. If these stats don’t have you caught with your pants below your knees, by the end of this article I am confident you will be. It’s mind-boggling how much internet porn has become a normal part of our everyday lives as men.
Before you throw rocks at me, I’m not advocating for a ban or claiming that its a sin against God. I don’t care what you do in your own time and in your own room. I’m just saying that there is a very big problem with modern internet porn, yet most of us are so deeply in love with it that we cannot fathom a life without it. My prediction is that porn addiction will be the next major problem in male mental & sexual health. Just speak with marriage therapists and divorce lawyers if you really want to know the truth. Just because porn makes us feel good, that doesn’t mean its healthy for us:
- It is found everywhere on the internet.
- It is easy to access with the click of a button
- It is free to watch on majority of porn websites
- It exists in high-quality online video
- Broadband internet allows us to stream it at rapid speeds
- There are lots of varieties of it from big breasts to voyeur to midgets to grannies
- It pushes all of the sexual buttons to turn us on
- It plays on the sexual nature of the male human
- Porn websites are run by master internet marketers whose only two goals are to keep you coming back for more & clicking on their advertisements
- Porn is the fastest-growing global business, with production companies churning out daily doses of porn videos
- The high-definition 3D porn revolution is coming (pun intended)
If you still think internet porn is okay, then I highly advise you to continue reading this article. Masturbating to modern internet porn has a profound negative effect on your long-term mental & sexual health. It is similar to eating junk food, where the consequences will occur at some point in the future. For junk food, these are issues such as diabetes, obesity or a heart attack. For porn, issues include erectile dysfunction, depression and social anxiety.
It is true that you can’t see the consequences today, tomorrow or next week. So you’ll continue participating in this negative behaviour over an extended period of time, thinking that its completely healthy & normal. Months, years or even a decade may pass before you realise that its affected you. Hey, remember this article if that ever happens to you.
Whatever short-term pleasures you think internet porn gives you, they are just that: short-term pleasures. The long-term pain is much higher (we’ll talk about this in a future post). Internet porn is a threat to your masculinity because it wastes your time, drains your sex energy and holds you back from becoming your most superior self. We all know this. We can all feel this. But we just don’t want to admit it and seek out the truth.
If you truly care about your future health and life, then I’ve got some good news for you today. I’m here to offer you an alternative lifestyle, one that you may not have experienced since you were a child. Before you came across the sexually tantalizing world of internet porn: the land of titillating tatas, big booties and oodles of orifices. I’m presenting you with an opportunity to do something different and separate yourself from the masses of men that will forever remain average.
The following 5 benefits of not watching porn are the results I’ve recognized in my life. What works for me may not work for you and what worked for me may be different to what you experience. I want to share it with you because my life considerably improved the moment I made an active & conscious effort to delete porn from it. I’m not claiming I’ll never ever consume porn again, but here are 5 benefits I’ve recognized:
1. Develop Your Willpower Muscles
Willpower is a reaction to an internal conflict. For example, you want to watch porn before going to bed but you know that sleeping right now will benefit you tomorrow when you wake up. Self-control is thus the inner power that helps you to overcome the desire to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits. It is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.
Porn is an unnecessary and useless habit because it exchanges short-term pleasure for long-term pain. You indulge in it for a year and at the end of that year, you still have nothing to show for it. Roy Baumeister, one of the leading researchers in this field, thinks that willpower is like a muscle. Exercising a muscle in the short-term leads to its exhaustion. But in the long-term, though, exercising a muscle causes it to grow.
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. – Vince Lombardi
Therefore, going through a porn abstinence is a great way to exercise your willpower. Every time you feel an urge to watch porn, the perfect opportunity presents itself to you to exercise your will-power. Just committing and succeeding a 30-day challenge of not watching porn will boost your self-control. 4-Hour entrepreneur Tim Ferris is currently going through a 30-day challenge where he made a public oath to not watch porn. If you want to try it, check it out here. If you’re successful in a 30-day no porn challenge, I’ll reward you for your efforts.
2. Become a Master of Your Sexuality (Don’t be a Slave to it)
Surprisingly, we don’t need to consult Einstein to understand how and why the male human easily succumbs to the glory of internet porn. But I’ll explain it as briefly as I can, just for you. Please note that when I say the term “sex energy” it is just a word to make it easier to describe the phenomenon of human sexuality. Your sex energy involves a variety of processes such as the brain, balls and hormones. It is much more complex than I make it out to be, but nonetheless the lessons here are still important, valid and applicable to your life. Are you ready?
The sex energy is the strongest force that exists within man. It is also the force that drives you to do almost everything in your everyday existence. Porn plays on this sexual instinct, providing us with instant gratification whenever we want and wherever we want (on our mobile phones now). The science backs this up as our testosterone levels have been measured to rise and fall throughout the day. Because of this rise and fall in testosterone levels, in terms of reproduction, males are ready to have sex multiple times during the day.
Did you have an ah-ha moment? I did when I came across that fact. “Damn it! That’s why I’m always thinking about women!” Yes, the sex energy drives a lot of what we do on a subconscious level in our everyday lives. Our thoughts and actions are dictated by it and this is why there are moments when we struggle to focus on the important things. I mean, from the moment you’re aroused it just seems so natural to release those urges in front of a screen, where women that won The Gene Games play temporary sex-buddy with you.
Instead of finishing off that assignment, our lizard brain is telling us to go out and meet a woman (cue: open your laptop and masturbate to porn). The former is the hard way to go about it, while the latter is 10x easier to do. Actually, watching porn is 100x easier. Make it 1000x easier. Don’t worry, its only natural to consume porn so don’t feel bad about it. I’m not writing this to snare you in a guilt trap. I’m writing this to offer you an alternative lifestyle.
The second law of thermodynamics states that everything moves towards chaos. Think about what happens to your room when you don’t do anything about it. It becomes a mess and exponentially gets worst the longer you procrastinate cleaning it up. In order for it to become clean, neat and ordered again, it requires your active intervention. It requires effort. Similarly, feeling aroused, opening your laptop and consuming porn is the path to chaos for your sexuality. Do you want chaos or control when it comes to your brain and balls?
Men shouldn’t be slaves to their sexuality. Instead, you want to feel sexually charged. You want control over it. You want to be able to feel horny, but still be able to move forward without releasing that energy. You want to master your sexuality. And by not watching porn, you give yourself an opportunity to challenge yourself and see just how much of a slave or master you are. Trust me, I’m happy to admit that it was a real struggle. I was definitely a slave.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel if you are a slave. Failing, getting back up again and persisting is the name of the game here. As time goes on, the chains that porn has wrapped around you will slowly weaken and lose its strength. You’ll start to regain that masculine edge of hardness that you lost a long-time ago. You’ll begin to have conscious control over the decision to consume porn or to go do something else productive.
A natural response when people feel overwhelmed is to retreat into various forms of passivity. If we don’t try too much in life, if we limit our circle of action, we can give ourselves the illusion of control. The less we attempt, the less chances of failure. If we can make it look like we are not really responsible for our fate, for what happens to us in life, then our apparent powerlessness is more palatable. – Robert Greene, Mastery.
After just 30 days, you will feel this inner masculinity emanating out into world around you. You’ll be able to feel the arousal, respect the urge and embrace this new feeling. You’ll acknowledge that these urges are there and that it exists. Its going to be new territory. Its going to feel uncomfortable when you’re burning inside with potential sex energy ready to be ejaculated out in your semen. But no, instead you will say “I am in control of myself, these urges will pass on” and “I don’t need to succumb to it. I am the master of my brain, body and balls.” Use this new feeling of control, power and mastery over your sexuality to hunt down your goals like a predatory lion chasing a gazelle across the plains of Kruger.
3. More Time to Chase After Greatness
I was at a business event run by General Assembly in Melbourne, Australia last night. After the speakers finished, we all headed to the bar for a few drinks and networking. I met a pleasant young man that seemed motivated, driven and determined. What caught my attention was when he said “man, sometimes I just hate being an entrepreneur. You click on one link and then you click on another link and then you find another link to click on. And soon you have all of these tabs with awesome business insights opened up just waiting for you to read. Its so frustrating and overwhelming.”
In my head I remembered the past and how I would have tabs of porn piled up for that one session. Looking back, it was all a waste of time searching for that one video or moment that takes you over the edge. Even after you finish up, you’re filled with shock, regret and questions. I know we’ve all been there. Some of us are still there. And many of us will be there tonight. I felt like telling my new friend “hey man, better you have tabs that are going to improve your life rather than tabs that are going to waste it.”
The cost of consuming internet porn a few times a week is a massive expense on your life’s balance sheet. If its been a consistent habit since your teenager years, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you had gotten that extra hour of sleep last night, you probably wouldn’t be feeling tired right now. The truth is that any action that is a result of chaos is a waste of your time, a suck on your motivation and a death to your drive. However, through chaos comes order (for example when you freeze a liquid into a solid). And this is where you can hack the first law of thermodynamics to your advantage when trying to abstain from porn.
First Law of Thermodynamics: energy cannot be create or destroyed. It can only be redistributed or changed from one form to another.
You can exploit this law right now. Instead of going to porn and opening up hundreds of tabs, force yourself to channel that sex energy into productive pursuits. Sex energy is a very powerful force that can be used for great benefit. Isaac Newton remained a virgin until his death, channeling all of that excess sex energy into his questions, theses and laws. Now he is a legend that everybody remembers and talks about, years after his passing.
Napolean Hill, well-renowned author of the the global best-seller Think and Grow Rich called this “sexual transmutation” in which you channel your sex energy into other areas of your life. Converting the sex energy into productive energy (a metaphor, I know. But it freaking works and that’s all that matters) requires practice, but the benefits far outweighs the effort required. Do you think Christopher Nolan is sitting there wasting his time consuming porn…or do you think he is spending his everyday existence mastering the art of film-making?
When you delete porn from your lifestyle, huge blocks of time open up. And as boredom is a common catalyst for consuming porn, it’s important to fill up your calendar with events to keep you busy. Pick up Ryan Holiday’s “The Obstacle is the Way”, go through Noah Kagan’s How To Make Your First Dollar course or even learn how to ask your boss for a salary increase from Ramit Sethi. You can spend it exercising, eating a meal with somebody, talking to your father, entertaining your friends, getting outside & amongst nature, undertaking masculine meditation, enjoying a hobby, reading a book or fulfilling a dream. Don’t be Spiderman, internet meme (for a reason) and serial masturbator.
Article Break: I understand that abstaining from porn is extremely hard to accomplish, so let’s do a quick action class on how to set a goal.
Are you with me? There is plenty of advice online, but this is the most simple way to set a goal and work towards achieving it. Get out a pen and paper and do the following.
a) Make the goal smart.
Specific: what exactly do you want to accomplish? Be specific about it. Bad: I don’t want to watch porn. Good: I want to go 30 days without porn.
Measurable: what gets measured, gets improved. Try to quantify the result so that you’ll be able to confirm whether or not you are successful in achieving your goal. How are you going to measure it? Hint: take a piece of paper, draw 31 boxes and cross off each day that you successfully abstain from porn.
Actionable: every goal should start with an action verb. Write down: I want to abstain from porn for 30 days.
Realistic: as the bodybuilding misc forums say, let’s be real tea. Your goal should have a dose of common sense. If you think 30 days is difficult, try 7 days as a start.
Time-bound: a goal without a date is just a dream. It is the war-chant of the wannabe. When do you plan to deliver on that goal? Don’t just say 30 days, include the date.
b) Focus on one goal and spend all of your time & energy trying to accomplish this one goal.
Write down this one goal on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket all the time. What is it? “I want to abstain from porn for 30 days. I will complete this goal on the 30th of June 2014.”
c) Review your goal every day.
While writing your goals down is a powerful exercise in itself, the real progress is in reviewing them on a regular basis. This is what turns them into reality. Thus, keep that piece of paper with you all the time and constantly read it to remind you of what your goal is.
I hope that you’ve learnt a quick, simple and easy method for setting a goal. You now have no excuse, you know what you need to do! Let’s move on to the 4th benefit of not watching porn.
4. Goodbye Miss Chasy, Hello Kiss Chasy
Why bother having sex when all of your sexual needs, fetishes and fantasies are fulfilled at the click of a mouse? This is the depressing story of Japan. Google and read up about what has happened to the men there. The culture has completely changed. Many of the Japanese men aren’t interested in dating, relationships or sex with a real woman. And unless we don’t get our shit together, we’re headed down that same chaotic path too.
A lot of young men are living through a time of chaos. The average teenage guy spends 44 hours a week in front of a computer screen and half an hour in one-on-one conversation with his father. Psychologist Dr Philip Zimbardo of Standford University conducted research and came to the conclusion that boys are struggling with life today. The most popular answer from his 20,000-person research survey was that widespread hardcore internet porn is wreaking havoc:
An addiction to online porn has created a generation of shy, socially awkward, emotionally removed, and risk-adverse young men who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school and employment. – Dr Philip Zimbardo
Sex is one of our core needs as humans (survival & status being the other two). It is part of our overall health and an thus an important area to look after. However, women said porn has made guys emotionally unavailable and guys said it made them less interested in pursuing a relationship in the first place. Dr Zimbardo’s research struck a chord with me a couple of years ago and it is sure to strike a chord with you too.
Many of us are flaming out socially and sexually with women. We would rather watch a video of Miss Chasy, the dominant school headmistress tell us how to jerk ourselves off, rather than go out to female nesting grounds and play kiss chasy with real women. Why do you think the pick up industry has become so popular? Why do you think more and more guys are trying to learn how to attract, date and have sex with women? Why do you think guys are jumping from one magic pick-up line to ‘one trick to get her to drop her panties?’ Its because porn has made them incapable of socially and sexually interacting with real women.
‘Chase success first, then chase women later’ is my personal mantra. Or for the majority of men that have etched themselves in the pages of history as self-made legends: ‘chase success first, then women will chase you.’ Allow me to expand on this point because it can be easily misunderstood. Women and the love of a woman are integral to a man’s life. My mantra is not about disregarding females. That is stupid pick-up advice peddled by single men that read too much crap online, don’t walk the talk and have never been in love. There is a time and place for everything and if you get into a relationship with the right woman, she will upgrade your life to levels a single-man will never understand. If you’re still a young man, dedicate yourself to your own hero journey and mastery.
I got into a bit of an argument with Real Social Dynamics’ Founder Owen Cook (Tyler) when I brought up this mantra of mine. This is what I told him:
I advise men to chase greatness. The man you become when you go on your own hero journey will make women chase you. And anyway, when you chase greatness…even if you miss you’ll be GOOD. Which is much better than the average man.
Getting rich is the LAST way you want to attract a woman. NO! Women will NOT come to you just because you’re crushing it in life. Getting girls with success and cash is the worst thing in the world, attracts the wrong women, and dudes like me and my friends will fuck your wife behind your back.
Excellent points that are all valid. I respect Owen Cook for a lot of reasons. He’s an all-round bad-ass dude, does great shit for men and comes from a place of genuine care. But he definitely misunderstood the meaning behind what I said.
When a man goes on his own hero journey, the person he becomes is what becomes attractive to women. Its not the fame, money or power that matters, but who you become while on that journey that’s important. You develop certain masculine qualities while on your hero journey: confidence, leadership, intelligence, passion, drive, composure, etc. A wonderful book on this topic is David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man.
If you try the 30-day challenge, you’ll notice that after a week or two, you’re much more motivated to go outside and talk to people. Instead of going straight to your computer when you feel an urge, you will be motivated to go out and meet women. When given the choice between staying home to play video games or to go outside to the shopping mall, you’ll choose to go outside solely because you’re going to interact with other humans.
The courtship dance between male and female will seem normal to you. And you’ll be kicking yourself for missing out on all of the opportunities over the last few years. Non-verbal cues such as eye contact, voice tonality and body language will all become part of your arsenal for meeting, attracting and dating women. These are all crazy statements I’m making here that will be met with suspicion, but I’m speaking from what I’ve noticed in my own experience. You’ll never know if you don’t try it.
When you approach and talk to women, it will feel natural versus throwing a canned pick-up line at her. I was walking through a grocery store aisle last week and saw an attractive young woman. Usually I would keep my head down and walk past, but this time when she looked up, I said hello and smiled. Supercharged with sex energy, I could feel my libido levels blowing up inside of me like a nuclear explosion. It felt great. It felt natural. It felt real. You’ll feel all of this within you too after just a weeks of porn abstinence.
5. Confidence of a Tiger
Confidence is one of the most important skills in life that you can acquire. I know how important even a little bit of confidence is for everyday situations such as speaking in front of a crowd, talking to a girl, interacting with your work colleagues or closing a sale.
Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.
Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. – E.E. Cummings
Everybody keeps asking, how do I become confident? Can I fake it til I make it? Is being an instagram-certified hustler all it takes to become successful? For a long time, I assumed that sometimes you were confident, sometimes you weren’t, and that was that. But my experiences without porn taught me how I can get started today, gradually build up my confidence and feel like a million bucks at the end. Its a totally different way of cultivating confidence.
There’s a sense of personal power that comes with overcoming a huge goal, such as a porn abstinence. If you prove it to yourself in small ways that you can achieve a goal when you commit to it, you’ll develop the confidence of a tiger. In other words, small wins repeated over time can lead to a confident mindset. When you achieve one goal, your feeling of accomplishment will make you confident. And you can ride this wave of confidence on a tsunami of momentum.
For example, Olympic athletes train in a way that is designed to build confidence. Rather than focusing on the gold medal, they set smaller achievable goals and build from there. By seeing themselves accumulate these little wins, their confidence grows and grows until they feel unstoppable. Imagine being supercharged with sex energy and roaring through the world high on confidence? What wouldn’t be able to stop you? Daenerys Targaryen might as well recruit you as her fire-breathing dragon.
If you’ve read up until this point, it means that you’ve gone through the previous 4 benefits of not watching porn. If you’re able to experience the previous 4 benefits during your challenge, they will act like a positive feedback loop. Seeing such results and gradual change in your life will reinforce that porn is an unhealthy habit and has no place in your daily routines. Removing a porn habit from your life will thus lead you to create other, often unrelated, good habits. This process will build a foundation of confidence for you, which you can use as fuel for further growth.
I highly advise you to not watch porn for 30 days. Its such a great opportunity to set a difficult goal, try something new and take on a challenge that will test you. And what tests you, can only make you stronger. When one aspect of your life improves, other areas of your life will improve. A great analogy is that of a strength trainer. The man who is able to conquer a particular lift and push through a plateau, will feel like he can conquer anything in the real world. As a result of this accomplishment, he will feel like a million bucks at the end. Watch some of Zach Even-Esh’s YouTube videos to help you understand this concept.
Going a few months without porn taught me so much. I learnt self-discipline, will power, commitment and developed an ability to sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term rewards. I achieved a difficult goal and there is confidence that comes with that.
Now I know that I can beat the seductress that is porn, I am confident that I can break through the wall of any challenge that is thrown at me. I’ve abstained from porn many times now and as somebody who had been consuming porn as a normal habit since my teenage years, going through this journey has been one hell of a ride. But the scenery along the way has changed my perspective in many positive ways.
Conclusion: Freedom From Porn
5 benefits that you’ll experience when you don’t watch porn:
- Your will-power will improve
- You’ll become a master of your sexuality
- You’ll have more time to undertake productive pursuits
- You’ll be motivated to go out and meet women
- You’ll become more confident
So you’ve arrived at the end of the article and you’re still not sold on the benefits of a lifestyle without porn. You’re still willing to gamble your masculinity away for a few seconds of orgasmic pleasure. I know you don’t believe me and I know you won’t listen to me. And I know you think I’m pulling all of this out of the universe like Deepak Chopra pulls quantum theories out of his ass. But the fact remains: there are men struggling with porn right now and through substantial effort, a lot of them have reaped the benefits of removing it from their life. Whether or not you think porn is holding you back from becoming the most superior version of yourself possible, make a conscious & active effort to go without it. I hope that it powers up your life like it did for me.
For your reading, here are 90 pages of interesting results from men that have tried it: testimonials
When was the last time you felt horny and allowed that urge to pass on, instead of going straight to porn? What’s your take on this topic? Let me know by dropping a comment.
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